“You have your brush and colors. You paint your paradise then in you go.”

                                                                                - Kazantzakis

Here I am sitting in front of the computer on a cold yet perfectly fine Saturday morning staring at the blank Microsoft Office Word page for what seems like an eternity already thinking of something to type about my happiness.

What on earth is happening with me?

I know I am happy but it seems like I can’t find the write words to convey it. I am a non-writer but I must say I am really fond of writing. But why then can’t I even think of a writing style to follow?

What seems to be the problem? Have I sneezed out my neurons already?

I am thinking so hard I can feel my nerves are twitching already like a vine roughly and mightily being pulled by silly kids.

I have to think of something worthy of reading. Something that would perfectly illuminate everything that I am feeling. Something that would sum-up the immense sensation resulting from the raves and even the rants in my life. Something that is catchy yet real. Something that would show my life and my heaven..My happiness.

I stared at the ceiling and pondered, looking for thoughts…

Nothing

I closed my eyes and scanned my memory…

Nothing

I asked for a miracle but still…

Nothing

Nothing but a cursor religiously blinking at a constant speed in front of me.

Hey I have an idea. Maybe citing examples could make up for this piece.

So now I am thinking of a particular instance in my life when I felt enormously happy.

 

Hmmm… was it the time I was informed I will be studying in UP? The time I received my very first cellphone? The moment I saw buds already are sprouting in my Marigold plant? Or the moment I first learned I could already ride the bike within a distance of 10 meters without falling off and bruising myself? So many thoughts now are running on my mind but nothing seems to satisfy what I’m looking for. As I stare at the computer monitor, I am starting to get blinded by its brightness.

My migraine is beginning to break out. I have to stop this deep thinking for a while and relax my already tortured sensitive mind. I roamed my eyes and looked for some things to distract me.

Beside the computer is my cellphone. I grabbed it and read the messages from my friends and loved ones. Varied messages coming from different individuals but all of them somehow puts a smile on my face. Some are corny but hilariously entertaining. Some are extremely funny and some are well…informative. There are messages that tell stories and others are simply saying hi but most of them are heartfelt, lovely and sweet messages. Reading their messages reminds me of how lucky I am to have someone like them. The laugh trips, the senti mode moments, the normal days spent with them, everything. I just feel so happy now knowing that I have them in my life.

I decided to put down my cell phone and get out of the room for a moment. I walked out thinking of no particular place to go and no specific task to do. Outside the room hanging on the wall in the living room is a framed collage picture of my family and me. I stopped and nonchalantly examined each picture trying to entertain myself. As I do so, I can’t help but laugh at how we looked there. Each still image brings me back to certain times in life. It’s as if I am warped to the moment to have a glimpse of the experience once again. A flashback that syllabicated the solace and happiness we have.

When I was a kid, often will my classmates tell me that I am lucky to have a family like them. But at that time, for me it was all nothing but a wild false assumption. How could I be so lucky if almost each and everyday of my God-given life I was bullied by my siblings? It was only when I grew up that I realized their worth.

Who would put up with my worst moods but them. They are the ones who forthrightly tap me when my sanity is becoming loose and they are the only ones who could give me the love that only a family can. They are indeed right. I am lucky. Now although three of my siblings (we are 6 anyway) are not living with us anymore, the distance did not decrease the bond that was strongly formed by our parents. Hay..What a family. What a lovely wacky family. We are not perfect but still, I now feel so happy knowing that I have them in my life.

I looked at the watch. I realized I’m beginning to look like an idiot already for staring at the pictures for so long.

I decided to head to the kitchen and rummage for something to eat. Maybe a sumptuous snack prepared by Mamsi could distract myself from thinking about my migraine. I walked to the kitchen and saw my pets loitering around and lazily spending time. Upon seeing me, Bowee our super active hypersensitive dog, rushed towards me and wagged her tail furiously. It was so fast I reckon it could reach an average rate of 300 wags per minute. I patted her on the head and proceeded to the pantry to get something to fill up my rumbling stomach.

While eating, I was entertained by my cats that were playfully biting off each other and running around the kitchen. It seemed like their energy was so contagious it has been passed unto me. It felt great.

I just realized that staying at home would be tad incomplete without my pets. I know it may sound shallow to some but maybe I just got used to having them in our house. I realized they have already been part of my life all this time with me just so numb or just so preoccupied to realize it way back. Now, I just feel so happy knowing that I have them in my life.

My tummy is satisfied and full already. I looked up and the wall clock hanging on the wall above the kitchen door tells me an hour has passed already. After cleaning up the mess I made at the kitchen, I ventured my way out to the terrace as an answer to the inviting soft blow of the wind as if calling me outside the house to have a relaxing break.

Overlooking the terrace is a coconut tree that Daddy has planted many years back when he was still alive. Now, already tall and bearing, it is a living memory of Daddy’s love for nature. Its leaves are perfectly green and are subtly swaying with the soft breeze. Down on it are colorful fragrant flowers surrounded by tiny shrubs refreshed by the morning due.

I looked up. Above is the clear blue sky arrayed by the bright sun that gives refulgence to the entire vicinity.

The lovely chirping of the birds that creates an echo of harmony highlights the serenity of the place. Harmony that brings immense relaxation to everyone who hears it.

What a life. What a great life.

All that I have and everything that is surrounding me makes me feel so enlightened and enormously blessed by the One up there.

My journey from the room to the living room to the kitchen and to the terrace may sound so usual. Well actually it is…for some. But for me, it made a whole lot of difference. After doing so, it felt like I was hit by a 200-ton bowling ball right straight on my head.

How could I have ever been so blind?

I kept on thinking and thinking about my deepest happiness earlier while in fact all this time it has always been here surrounding me and just waiting to be recognized. My life. My family. My loved ones. My friends. My pets. The trees. The birds. The flowers. Even my problems. Everything.

With that I realized happiness isn’t as hard as finding a lost earring in a 100-hectare land or as hard getting flat uno in math100. I need not go to the Caribbean nor travel to Paris to find happiness. Happiness is just actually right here in front of me.

No let me rephrase it.

Happiness is just actually right here inside my heart.

For whoever and whatever I have, it still depends on me if I want to find happiness in them or not. I decide if I want to categorize them under the “happy-factor” or not.

Being happy is then a matter of choice. I choose what to put in my painting. There is no one to dictate me but myself. God gave me the freedom to be happy. It’s all up to me if I want to put color on my painting or just leave it dull and blank.

Besides, according to Bo Sanchez, “we are living in a pool of blessings”. Isn’t that in itself enough to make us feel tremendously blessed and happy? All it takes is for us to appreciate and be happy with it.

I left the room, reckoned and went back in again.

And now at last here I am again sitting in front of the computer on a cold yet perfectly fine Saturday morning staring at the fourth page of my Microsoft Office Word document…

Wait. Am I seeing this right? I have reached the fourth page and am close to finishing this piece already while just earlier I was even squeezing my brain so I could type even a word on it? Wow thank goodness. I should be really happy with this then.

patty 11.07.04        Family Picture